Whisky, Women And Porn

Whisky, Women And Porn

We live in an age that is being defined by trends more and more, some trends end up being fads and gimmicks and are measured by Google analytic, social media factors and presence and somewhere in there there is a story that nice out of ten times is totally overlooked. Why am I mentioning this? Well A few months back I saw this on my whisky Flipboard feed and I thought to myself as soon as my employers give me back my creative reigns I will make this one of the first that I write a piece about. I have been a single malt drinker for over a decade, I am a whiskey enthusiast and I don’t discriminate on any whisky unless its called Blue Eagle. So when I saw that two pornstars were behind a new whisky initiative my ears perked up. Like how awesome is it that I can fuse my job in porn and my love of whisky? So I began to explore…

Now depending on which YouTube video you decide to watch; either Joy Van Velsen’s video or the Tori Black’s video, you will find yourself asking the same questions that the rest of us are, mainly what does it taste like? And what does body blended whisky taste like? Well these are questions I will try to answer after this post since it isn’t available here in my hood yet and my contacts at the Single Malt Whisky Society haven’t gotten a bottle of it yet…but are patiently waiting to be sent one.

So what do we know? This is yet another blended whisky to hit the market, its creators have said that its  been aged at least 12 years and made from a mixture “of premium single malts and single grains,” and sounds like any other blended whisky that was distilled in Scotland with the sole difference that it bottled in the Netherlands. The creators wanted a more “luxurious” whisky, so they used what they’re calling a “guarded filtration process” which involves the use of diamonds and pure gold in its filtering process. I have heard of a whole lot of filtering processes but diamonds and gold….ok.

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“Not only will the quality of the whisky make your heart beat faster, the thought of the same whisky touching the body of the woman of your dreams will leave you speechless”

The press kit says that “not only will the quality of the whisky make your heart beat faster, the thought of the same whisky touching the body of the woman of your dreams will leave you speechless.” And in all honesty I haven’t had that feeling from a whisky since I had a 30 yr Macallan. Here is where my questioning comes in, what does body blended mean exactly? As a whisky enthusiast I’m almost certain that body blending will get it kicked out of any competition, the only contact that most of us whisky lovers want with skin is when the liquid gold hits our lips, and maybe for a body shot (do people still do those) but those are about it. And is this body blended after a porno scene? Because I can see myself passing that bottle for one that I know better and am assured to enjoy. At over 130$ a bottle I can’t see this being my new Lagavulin or my new Sullivan’s Cove but maybe its not as bad as it reads…or maybe it is just a gimmick these guys are using in the guise of click bait to make you go to the site and get interested and buy their product. Is their body blended liquor new? No! Fuck no! GSpirits of Germany, offered whisky poured over the body of German and Hungarian Playmate Alexa Varga so this isn’t the newest concept on the block and the luxury filtering isn’t new its actually an old European club trend that uses luxury vodka and  filters it through precious stones and metals at a premium price.

Until I get either word from my contacts at the Single Malt Whisky Society or I see it at my local liquor store I am going to say this is click bait or a PR stunt. The body blending makes it seem like a product that may have impurities in it, and that’s not factoring in if this was blended pre or post porn shoot. Besides with that price tag attached to it you have to either be crazy, crazy about one of these two pornstars or just a collector that wants a whisky that you can show off right next to their bottle of cobra whisky from Laos. As well my attempts to get someone from Whisky X to respond to my press inquiries seem to have fallen on deaf ears so I hope this is more than a gimmick cause I could really use a shot of Tori Black or some Joy Van Velsen’s on ice.

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  • Kevin Quevillon

    Where’s your next article. I love this blog

  • Manola

    Just because I can answer this one doesn’t mean . . .